Universe On The Couch

Now into medical adolescence. They now call you doctor. An asshole behind your back.

Low middle-class wages now, so goodbye poverty. But a fellow intern did the math and our hourly wage was less than McDonalds. Luckily one of the hospitals we worked at was a county hospital where the cafeteria was mostly Mexican people who did not know the food was supposed to be bad. I ate there whenever I could get a freebie. If there is one thing anybody who wants the attendance of doctors should know, it is that free food will bring us out. Otherwise we have better things to do. Now the food was often better, catered to smaller groups.

One evolution obvious then was that guys dressed like Dad were being replaced with young pretty women just out of college. What better way to entice young male housestaff? A fix for both our oral and phallic fixations. (I believe the anal fixation starts with the later Metamucil years).

Which brings me to a story. She was tallish and blonde with a great figure. The guys drooled. Her fixes to us were Xanax and Halcion. The latter is a sleeper that had some problems. In one famous case a person using higher than the recommended doses and plenty of other abused prescriptions wet apeshit and violent. I think she killed somebody.

But Xanax was the push to the shrinks. This was marketed as an anti-anxiety drug that was not addictive like Valium or Librium. Mother's little helpers. These are all in a class called benzodiazapines. The generic names usually end in "pam": alpraxolam (Xanax), diazepam (Valium), lorazepam (Ativan). Indications are sleep, anxiety and muscle relaxation. They are also used in anesthesia to kill off memory of the event. Just the thing for daily life.

So by now the drug had been out several years and heavily promoted. Surprise surprise this non-addictive medication was so addictive we called it "velcro." Once on, most would not get off it. Most were substance abusers. Perfect thing for an alcoholic. A good way to chill after a cocaine run. It was even purpoted to have antidepressant properties. Never mind that every drug in this class before had both addiction issues and potential for depression.

So our residency program hated the stuff. One nasty chain-smoking alcoholic was on 2mg four times daily. I am a big guy and 0.5mg knocked me out. Yea I tried some of this shit. All in the name of medical science. So I figure I will taper and eventually stop this drug. This shithead went to the head doctor of the clinic to bitch. She told me not to make waves, this ornery jerk will never change. One of many pleasant experiences with this drug.

So bak to our rep. She was engaged or married so I pretty much ignored her. Then I was a tall very lean well-muscled guy just beginning to lose his hair, not the bald fat fuck I am now. So it must have pissed her off. So I got her attention. I also with some vocal pals were critical of Xanax.

So she freaks and brings in her boss, some marketing prick without a medical background to enlighten we the ignorant doctors. Quotes some study about anxiety disorders being the most frequent psychiatric disorders in the community. Ever heard of alcohol fuck-face? And the antidepressant bullshit. He was bombarded. We win. You lose. Thanks for the lunch.

My last year I was the Chief. One of my duties was liaison with the drug reps. I milked it. We had more free lunches that year than the previous three combined. And I negotiated the menu too. None of this Olive Garden shit. Or Subway. One hot Arabic married rep even gave me free Rogaine, then $50 a bottle, instead of the current $15 or so at Costco. I still didn't prescribe her drugs.

So I was playing them. Still, overall my view of them was positive. They treated us well while we were still the abused housestaff, underpaid overworked servants treating the poor and mostly ungrateful.